Most of the time, teaching classes is quite a pleasure. I get to share fun facts, interact with children and command the only people who will probably still listen to me around. The marking may be a chore, but I generally look forward to the classes themselves. This was not the case when I was asked to take a Pri 5 science class on Reproduction. You see, drawing on my knowledge of what 11 year old kids are like, this was what I imagined the class would be like:

Me: “Good morning class, I’m Mr. Oh and today I will be teaching you all about Reproduction. Let’s all be mature about this.”

“…”

Boys: “PENISPENISPENISPENISPE-”

Girls: “EWWWWWWWWWWWWW”

Me: “Everyone keep quiet!!! Boys! Stop repeating that!!”

*momentary silence*

Boys: “VAGINAVAGINAVAGINAVAGINAVAG-”

Girls: “EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW”

Me: *squats in one corner and cries*

.

Surprisingly though, while mildly chaotic, the actual lesson had none of the rampant chaos that had haunted my nightmares. There was plenty of eww-ing yes, but in general none of the boys said any of the words I had been expecting them to repeat like a Ben broken tape recorder. After a while I started to realise the only way I was going to hear the word from them was if one of them placed their pen on the floor and told me about it.

I refused to believe it at first though. “They’re just putting it off.” I thought to myself. “It’s coming any second now.” I would mutter. And all they would do was quietly listen to me with only a mild eww every now and then.

It was unnerving.

 

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Eventually the tension got so bad I started to unhinge a little. On the surface I maintained the illusion of the dedicated teacher, but in my head I was screaming “JUST SHOUT PENIS ALREADY DAMNIT!” over and over again.

And that was just the lesson. You know how when you mark something (for all you teachers out there) you normally mutter the answers out loud while ticking? For example if someone is marking multiple choice you might find him muttering:

“ABCDCBDACAD-”

*flips to a new worksheet*

“ABCDCBDACAD-”

Likewise for the happy 30 minutes I took to mark their homework the people around me were entertained (or scandalized) by the repeated drone of:

“Penis, Testes, Sperm, Prostrate Gland, Ovaries, Fallopian Tube, Vagina, Oviduct…Penis, Testes-”

Not one of my prouder moments no.