Greetings dudes, dudettes and everything in between. Hold your gasps of surprise for yes, I have returned to the blogosphere. Its been a busy and eventful holidays of angsty fun and happy worrying, but as of now all seems right with the world, the birds are singing, the sleigh bells ringing and I feel happy.
In an update on my personal life, I am happy to announce I am finally 17, or 5 and 2/3 years if you’re a hiok/wenyu/scout. Had a fun filled birthday where we celebrated our unique bond of friendship, trust and love by spraying bullets at each other in between whoops of fiendish glee. Nothing says half a decade of friendship like knifing someone in the back. Just ask Jonyee. For the uninitiated a.k.a the double x chromosomes, I refer to the glorious game called Counter Strike.
Of course we played other games like dota and well, dota. And we did other things like, well dinner and lunch. Actually I skipped lunch. In our defense, 7 hours plus of lanning is alot more fufilling than it sounds. Really.
In the blink of an eye our Scouting term is over. Lest I forget, I shall record down A brief history of my scouting career. Or rather the highlights. Non GC’07 members might want to to skip this part.
Scoutman – Year one: Secondary 2
First day of scouts after one year of softball. As fun as whacking balls around might seem, I concluded that I could probably do so more times in one game of pinball than I ever would in Softball. And so it was with a heavy heart (I spent close to three hundred on the equipment) that I moved to scouting.
Alvin Yong and Hiok Hong scissors paper stonned, and I got posted to Falcon, home of the Si Da Tian Wangs. I cant remember what the act was, but I do remember that when it was announced everyone started cheering like chipmunks on speed. The PLs started pumping for latecomers, and everyone was laughing and smiling. Even the PLs. Whether this was because they were high or that they were sadomasochists I will never know, but that was the moment I fell in love with scouting.
After that of course was a run where I first got to know some fei called Royce Yap, introduced to me as the MAN (or idiot in my personal opinion) who carried 10 kg worth of firewood during GTC. For those who wish to hear this story of utter stupidity, go find him yourself. Mark Goh I had already known, but I remember meeting Tee Yong as well, this small pipsqueak of a guy. That was of course before he exposed himself to gene therapy, growth hormones and whatever dark magic he used to grow into the telephone pole he is today.
*Royce on the other hand, has been tan huaning since his Judo days, as his strength dwindles to mortal proportions. I attribute this to a lack of sunlight, air, water and fertilizer. (Though i don’t see how he can lack the latter being so full of it himself.)
The next few activities are mostly a hazy blur in my mind so I shall not mention them. Next came SUTC which is also a blur, (thankfully) though I can remember having a broken left wrist throughout that entire ordeal. After that came Campfire Prep, where I, as art students always are, was placed into souvenir comm. Thus begins an epic tale which should be heard from the pyro man Mark Goh himself, but which I will tell you anyway.
We were faced with the problem of sealing twenty wine glass filled with water and sparkly gell, which due to the narrow towards the mouth nature of the wine glass and the need for the seal to be waterproof was harder than it sounds. Eventually I thought of lowering melted wax into the water filled wine glass so that it would float on top of the water and solidify covering the water and forming a cover of some sorts. And thus began the great wax melting operation where we filled mess tins with candles and melted them over a bunsen burner. This is where history fades, and legend begins….
As fate would have it, one little mess tin was left unattended as the candles melted and a layer of oil formed at the top. Wax oil being oil, murphy’s law being law and scouts being scouts and all, this layer of oil caught fire. So now we have a flaming mess tin atop a bunsen burner fueled by a gas canister. Wow. I dedicate the following encounter to whoever says physics is unimportant.
Mark Goh: “Omg! There is a fire! I shall put it out with water!”
Saunters over with a cup of water in his hand.
Its said that time slows down when you’re near death. Its true.
Me and Bennett: “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
(Its amazing how threatening a little poof can sound.)
What followed next was an orgy of fire, metal, and pieces of Mark Goh.* We held a minute of silence to mourn for the bombed mess tin and charred floor tiles before sweeping away the pieces of Mark Goh and dumping them in the trash.
*I say now that only an imbecile pours water on an oil fire and if you don’t know why please Google it. We all have our imbecilic moments of course, mine many more than others. It’s just that I don’t normally cause explosions during them. Or fracture my right wrist for that matter.
**On a side note I have just killed two bloody (ha ha) mosquitoes with one whack of my trusty Superman comic book. Such is the power of the Man of Steel. Bow down and shudder in awe.
Campfire itself came soon enough, though admittedly my main memory of that day was being told to make three prizes at the last minute and to replace one of the souvenirs which had been knocked down by some careless guide who has to this day still not apologized to me. Hmph. If you’re out there reading this I’m always available for a personal apology session. 🙂 Besides that of course was daigor’s (among others) spirited roaring of the haka, a video which to this day still makes no sense, and some girl smiling at me asking for my number. Ok, I lied about the last one.
After campfire then came: ANNUAL CAMP. WOO.
Officially one of the most fun, (and the most fun camp) periods of my life. I shall note down a few choice anecdotes that I can recall from writing plogs.
It was almost lunch time and our kitchen table was barely done. Just as we were about to start feasting to improve our morale, a dull black bird descended from the skies and landed on one of our boards. A dull plop could almost be heard as he decided to relieve himself then and there. Viewing this as a bad omen, our morale took another blow as we continued to tie our structures.
After lunch, was Stupid Quiz, a game where we answered questions to gain points. Duh. Choosing mainly questions from the sports and science categories and general, we mostly got easy questions like how many goals has Michael Owen scored in every football match against a team with the letter e, h or z in its title, or how many quarks are there in a human body.
Later at night, me, Alvin Yong, Tee Yong and Bennett were tying the ninja traps for out gateway (don’t ask me why its called that). Finally after much hard work we lifted the netting up and rested it slowly on the ground. Wiping our sweat we gazed up at it with pride and adoration, before gazing down and realising it was hovering. Alvin Yong collapsed on the ground and started twitching uncontrollable, staring with vacant eyes at the offending leg while Bennet paced around shouting “Why the $#%$#% is it hovering”
After much work, we finally stopped it from hovering. Gazing once again with pride and adoration at the thing our reverie was stopped short by a puny sec 1 who walked up and said: “Eh, quite slanted hor.” Alvin Yong collapsed once more to the ground, his body wracked with spasm. In an inhuman display of strength that would make hiok proud, he charged towards the offending pole and wrenched it sideways with a hulk like grunt. That worked and we retired for the night, our moral steadied only by the Picasso work of art that was the Kingfisher gateway.
The next day, the skied were cloudy and Alvin had left to buy food. Shortly after arriving back. Alvin Yong looked up to the sky and said: “hey! I think there’s going to be a light drizzle.” Minutes later, we were left fighting to keep the kitchen tent from collapsing under the onslaught of H20. Teko’s were propped up everywhere to stop the rain from collecting in the folds of the kitchen tent. Thunder and lightning blazed every few seconds. It was at this moment when Alvin Yong proceeded to say: “I was right.”
Because of the rain, we went to do some funny activities which I can no longer remember, after which was dinner.
Upon preparing for dinner, Alvin Yong mentioned nonchantly to me: “eh! Zhen Yang! Later the dinner you cook everything ok?”
After which point I stared innocently at him gave a blank look and said: “But I dunno how to cook”
“Wad the *$@%$# I thought I left you in charge of the $^*$#@ meals.”
“Huh? I thought you asked me to prepare recipe only wad?”
And thus for the third time this camp Alvin Yong collapsed into a seizure and fell twitching at our feet. Greatly demoralized we realized that no one in our patrol was a good cook. We then proceeded on a quest to utterly destroy our appetite forever as we mercilessly tenderized the eggs, beat the potatoes, and mashed the meat. Alvin than proceeded to sink into a terminal depression as he realised our meal faced certain doom.
Next up was SKILL O RAMA of which I can remember nothing except that we won. Yay.
We had cross country and erm… cooking! For the first I can remember nothing. For the latter I can remember two. First of these was the fact that every omelet i touched turned into scrambled eggs, a difficult skill that can only be attained after many years of not practicing. The second I shall lift from plogs:
After clearing up the stuff, Chin Yang took a rag to go and clean the table and other things. Suddenly Tee Yong shouted: “@#$%#!! CHIN YAAANG!!! I USED THAT *^$@# TOWEL TO WIPE THE BIRD SHIT** OF THE BOARD. DUN USE IT!!!”
After eating and clearing up we proceeded to the classroom where the J1s briefed us on what wrath of the phoenix was about. There were two activities that made up some activity called WRATH OF THE PHOENIX. The first one involved answering the answer to the previous question. Whoever got through all ten rounds wins. Here’s an Example:
Joseph: How old are you
Joseph: How many girlfriends you have?
Joseph: What’s your IQ?
And so on and so forth. The second game was some price guessing game I cannot remember.
We woke up to blue skies, green grass, and Royce Yap, more of Royce Yap than the rest. Had some stuff in morning, in afternoon and FOL in evening. If you haven’t guessed by now I can only remember Festival of Lights, where I led the sec 2s in a frenzy of candle lighting. After a long time we finally lit all the candles and completed the design. At that moment, murphy’s hand knocked over one of the tee lights which spilled wax onto the grazz, catching fire. Saving us all from the monstrous wrath of a single tee light, Bennet blew out the flame with a poof. He also blew out every other candle.
Like I said, its amazing how threatening one poof can sound.
We somehow got through the whole mess without dying. Of the other patrol’s FOL, i can remember nothing except Jarrel GOh lighting some kerosene soaked torch, in the process lighting and killing several members of his patrol as he merrily waved the flaming torch around like a semaphore flag.
Fifth Day: Clean Up. Boring. That’s all.
Wow. This is turning into some Annual Camp log.
As Annual Camp and Campfire were the two most memorable events of the year, I shall not go into the others overly much. Save that I remember mini olympics being fun, iron man being foam and cooking race being fos. Literally.
As for GTC, I shall not go too much into the sordid details of the whole thing, and like SUTC I shall condemn it to the pits of blocked memories. Actually it was quite fun and I’m just to lazy to go into the whole thing. Boo hoo.
Well that concludes the epic tale of my first year of scouting, and if I have forgotten anything than who cares because I don’t have that much time. Its getting late and I shall continue Year 2, 3 and 4 at a later date.