Superman > Batman

//Superman > Batman

Promotional exams are over. Its here that the utter incapability of online text in representing emotions shows itself, for within that miserly 4 words seethes joy of the highest order. I totally died for Chem and Physics, and I do state now that would mean getting a B for me. My A lar, A lar, A, A, A, wishsong has evaporated. Ah well.

Mugging was the most sian experience of my life, consisting at one point of mugging from 11 – 12 everyday. I’ll presume even the more simpler minded people will realise I don’t aim for 5As with one hour of mugging a day, so I’ll leave the am/pms omitted. In any case, 4 weeks of that is enough to sap any mortal man of all wit and creativity, and that fact that I spent 3 weeks of it mugging in MacDonalds bodes well not for my physical fitness evaluations in the near future. Intellectual inferiority and horizontal superiority aside, most of those 4 weeks went by in a blur. And not a fast one either.

In any case, i crossed the final hurdle yesterday after handing in my art sculpture, after a horrifying 2 hours of sleep in as many nights.

Anyway, on to the main point of this post. Lately it has come to my attention that a small group of infidels have come to champion a belief of the highest injustice. This dubious, spurious, specious view askew, fallacious, erroneous, salacious untrue, I cast it down into the pits of falsehood and noobness. It has redefined my opinion of human ignorance and having just coached laodi in physics it takes a lot to do that.

(On an unrelated side note, laodi’s physics exam is tomorrow, and having just coached him it appears sans selling our house and releasing every bird in bird park, his A (to put it nicely) is soaring away as well. Good luck laodi, please own everything else.)

Back to this apoplexy inducing statement. Seat down, take a deep breath and calm your nerves as I force myself to type it out.

Batman totally owns Superman.

Scream. Panic. Weep. Yes, sorrow of sorrows, people (oh poor misguided sheep) actually believe this absurdity. I was browsing through some groups on facebook when I discovered such themed groups existed. Not one or two of them. MILLIONS of them. (Russell Peters rocks). It was almost more than my pudgy (yes, I’m manly no more) constitution could take.

No offense to Batman fans. I love Batman, I really do. I think he is the second coolest hero. If you still can’t deduce who takes the numero uno spot tell me and I’ll up my pet rock a notch in my intelligence list. The heavy burden thus falls on my shoulders – to enlighten the world to the truth, as obvious as it should be to all.


Why Superman owns Batman – the definitive guide by ohcy

Point 1: Superman has a super in his name while Batman has a bat.

I believe the majority should get the hint, but for the obstinate, stubborn few, I shall illustrate further. Super owns Bat. There is no contest. One is imba, ultra, better than the rest. The other is a flying rat with fangs and mountains of poop. I’ll leave you the dignity of drawing the appropriate conclusion. If you still don’t believe me, I happily invite you to set up a food stall selling bat wings, bat slushies and bat burgers. I’ll be having fun selling super wings/ slushies/ burgers in the stall next to you.

Point 2: Batman is a manly man. Superman is the manly man.

Sure all you idiots (not just you Joshua) out there think Batman is cooler because he “fights crime without superpowers” and is thus more imba than Superman who does. When push comes to shove however, I and (admit it to yourselves) you, would rather be Superman.


Batman: “Haha villian with gun! I’m beating the crap out of you without superpowers! I’m smoking cool baby!”



I rest my case.

Point 3: Batman can buy diamonds. Superman can make them.


Point 4: Batman is emo. Superman is not.

Batman is emo. Don’t deny it. He makes Buttercup look like Bubbles. I’m not saying he has no reason to be. He does. Just don’t tell me you’d rather talk to Batman than Superman.


S: “Yo dude.”

B: “…..”

S: “Watssup?”

B: “……”

S: “Jingle Bells! Batman smells! Robin laid an egg! The batmobile, broke a wheel, and the Joker got away….. hey!”

B: “……………”

Conversation scintillating on the highest order.

Point 5: Batman has kryptonite, Superman has lead.

The big cahoona. The argument that all noobs use in the end: Batman can own Superman with Kryptonite. Depending on continuity, there are perhaps a few hundred pounds of kryptonite on “Earth” and a couple of billion tonnes of lead. For a more apt comparison, try to set fire to a person next to a swimming pool. Unless he’s mentally retarded I wish you a thousand birds luck as well.

Point 6: Superman can fly. Batman swings.

Its a dream we’ve all had. Flying through the sky effortlessly, pirouetting and twisting as you soar through the air, pelting Jerry Loy with water bombs and pianos. Or at least the first part. As fun as swinging around the city like a modern day Tarzan (no boyi, not you) might be, flying still rocks like some bomb. That in itself, makes mosquitoes, houseflies and cockroaches cooler than Batman, and as my momma always used to say, if an insect is cooler than you, you in deep shit.

Point 7: Superman fights intergalactic tyrants. Batman fights clowns.

Once again, self explanatory.

Point 8: What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

I have no idea.

Point 9: Superman can own Batman in 2.4.

Its not just about the super speed. Not that super speed isn’t a delightful trait to have in light of Promos, but the reason for this undeniable claim lies deeper within the heart of things.


Because in a race, when Superman Returns, Batman Begins.

Sorry, I just felt like including that joke somewhere.


I have saved my best for last. Here now, I present to you the final point to hammer in the final nail in the coffin for this ignominious claim. Doubters doubt no further, for with this point you shall see the light, Superman will once again reign your sorry universe, and all will be right with the world.

Point 10: Superman was a Scout


In conclusion, there can be no doubt that Superman is da bomb, and Batman is da bomb, but Superman bomb owns da bomb that is Batman.

I love scouts language.

To sum it all up, I do declare that the quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog, and that the woodchuck chucked as much wood as the woodchuck could, if the woodchuck could chuck wood.


I love wombats.

(dedicated to SG)

By | 2017-11-20T03:46:51+00:00 October 4th, 2007|Uncategorized|0 Comments

About the Author:

Leave A Comment