An-arbitrary-number-that-will-probably-end-up-being-a-nice-round-number-like-10 things I learned in the US (Continued)

And I’m back! To continue the post I left off sometime last month. If you haven’t read it yet you can read it here. Or you know, just scroll down.

An-arbitrary-number-that-will-probably-end-up-being-a-nice-round-number-like-10 things I learned in the US (Continued).

6) Clubbing is pretty much the same thing everywhere you go.

Having attended the vaunted activity known as clubbing in both Singapore and the US, I have come to the conclusion that it’s pretty much the same activity no matter where you go. With all my years of clubbing experience (amounting to 5 times over 5 years) I’ve been subjected to depraved sights that I will never be able to wipe from my corneas, and I longingly look back to a time when being asked to go clubbing would have resulted in me happily skipping off in search of a very large stick. But alas those days are no more, but on the bright side these experiences have allowed me to distill the essence of clubbing into a few simple factors:

i) Loud Music

This is pretty much self explanatory. One of the hallmarks of my clubbing experiences is that I always leave the place with a ringing in my ears despite the two wads of tissue (very discreetly) shoved up my ear canal. I realise that having tissue balls stuck up your ears isn’t exactly standard clubbing apparel but I swear there is only so much noxious loud music a man can take. And yet there’s something about the aural assault that wipes my memory clean of it and leaves me surprised by the noise volume again each time I walk into a club and get attacked with decibel levels so loud you wouldn’t be able to hear a pin drop even if it were the firing pin of an 50-foot tall grenade.

ii) Dancing

Or to be more specific, the act of dancing known as “grinding”. This activity confused me a little at first until I realised it was all just part of a big food processing skit. It always starts out with the grinding of some male/female meat, who eventually ends up sandwiched between two gyrating bodies as part of a human hamburger.

The only thing I have to comment about this is the choice of name for the activity. I mean seriously, grinding? There are at least a hundred other less painful sounding words for describing that activity. A brief search on Google reviews the following use of of the word “grinding”:

“In most modern roasting plants, grinding is accomplished by feeding the ***** through a series of serrated or scored rollers, set at progressively smaller gaps, that first crack the ***** and then cut them to the desired particle size.” -Britannica Online (***** = beans)

Considering the aspects of human anatomy normally involved in this dance maneuver, I have to admit I gagged a little when reading it. And I’ll admit too that I can no longer hear the classic rhyme said by the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk without my mind twisting it into the following version:

“Fee Fi Fo Fum …… I’ll grind his boner to make some bread.”

What this says about my mental state of health I rather not know.

7) Electronics are much cheaper in the US than in Singapore

Lo and behold, an actual useful piece of advice on my list! I feel kind of proud yet pathetic at the same time. Anyway to keep it brief, for those of you planning to buy a laptop/Desktop PC/TV/protocol droid before college in the US, I highly suggest that you buy it in the US instead of Singapore, even though I know the kilometer long lines seen at every Singapore IT Show are extremely tempting for all you queuing addicts out there. It’s really just so much cheaper.

Alright, I said I’d continue the list and now I officially have so I’m stopping here. Besides, 7 is a nice number.

In other news, it’s officially my summer vacation, and I have braved a 20+ hour plane ride on the A380 to return to sunny island Singapore. Yes my Singaporean brethren, I have once again returned to our sunny island, and I know that all of you are just dying to invite me out and bask in my august presence again. Scammers all of you. Don’t think I don’t know you’re asking me out just to convince me to try to speak in an American accent in front of you after reading the previous post. For the people I’ll be meeting over the next few months or so, I’m very honored that you still visit this spot and all but please stop asking me to try speaking in an American accent. For the people who already have, please stop trying.

Since I just did a post on things I learnt while staying in the US, I shall briefly write about a couple of things I’ve learned now that I’m back in Singapore.

1) Singapore is #$#@!%!@$ humid and !@#!@$!@#%$!#@$%@!$ hot.

I swear the moment I stepped off that plane it felt like I had been thrown into a swimming pool. Any more moisture in the air and I would have given up walking and just freestroked my way home. It occurred to me sometime after sweating half my body weight in fluid after just a casual walk to J8 that this humidity is simply not natural, but the result of a vicious cycle involving humidity-caused sweat evaporating and further increasing the humidity levels. I expect my Nobel Prize any day now. On the bright side I now have a cunning new business plan of building random wooden boxes in the park, pasting a sign saying “Sauna” on them and charging tourists for entry.

2) My body is in love with soap.

About two days ago I drifted off to sleep on my bed late at night while reading a book. Just then a sudden noise from outside woke me up, and I dragged myself to the toilet to brush my teeth before returning to my slumber. For some reason or another the huge bottle of shampoo my family uses was placed next to the sink instead of its usual location in the shower. For another, more inexplicable reason, I proceeded to squeeze a giant dollop of minty, anti-dandruff shampoo on my toothbrush to use.

One would think that after almost poisoning myself drinking liquid detergent honey water, my brain would be slightly more cautious of ingesting any soap based materials but that theory appears to be moot at this point. Thankfully I caught my mistake in time and avoided brushing my teeth with it because I seriously hate mint. And you know, the whole poisoning myself dead thing.

3) Singapore food is unbeatable


Despite nursing a rather bad cough, I have been unable to resist chomping down on every platter of Singapore food that comes my way. The result of course is that most of meals consists of me coughing like a madman while vacuuming my meals down in utter bliss. For anyone about to leave Singapore for an extended period of time, trust me on this – no matter how amazing an experience you’re having, nothing beats being near to your family, your friends and a Mee Siam store two blocks away.

Alright I’m about done for now. Just to touch on what I’ve been doing since I’ve come back, for the last few weeks or so I’ve mostly been going out to eat, hanging out with friends and attempting to learn iPhone programming, the latter of which has taken a backseat to the former two pursuits. Besides that the only thing of note recently is that Chuan has treated me to both the Harry Potter show and some circus comedy show called Soap: The Show. (Whether she was aware of my distinct affinity for all soap-based things before she decided to buy the tickets is questionable, but I assume it must have been so.) The former is way too short but cool to look at, and the latter is way too long although it has numerous extremely cool bits if you ignored the other, slightly recycled portions of the show.

Tata for now then.

P.S. I made a resolution to keep up with my writing more, so technically I’m supposed to update this place once a week. Let’s see if I can keep that up.

P.P.S If anyone wants to help me revamp my template and what not please tell me. I’m starting to feel that this template is mildly, mildly, present-at-the-discovery-of-fire dated.

P.P.P.S I went to Bishan Park for the first time since it’s renovation today and the place is gorgeous. Kudos to whoever designed it.